On Giving Gifts.
“You will not attain righteousness until you spend from that which you love most.” (Quran)
With the realization that I have not yet grown enough to give gifts.
And so, the topic of gifts is something I haven’t even been able to fully discuss with my wife — a topic where we often end up disagreeing.
Would anyone force someone else to give a gift? No.
Is a gift something given and received under compulsion? No.
Then why give something like a gift under compulsion, and then feel miserable about it?
Why make someone else miserable by giving them something like a gift under compulsion?
What is not obligatory need not be done — but if you do it, do it with genuine love.
Do what is not obligatory only if you can do it properly and beautifully.
Shouldn’t you give a gift — do what is not obligatory — only when your heart and your financial situation have grown and matured enough to do it with genuine love?
If you have money and yet the gift you give and its value still feels like a problem to you, then the real issue isn’t the lack of money. It’s something else.
You simply don’t genuinely like them.
Deep down, you don’t truly respect the person you’re giving the gift to.
Or — you haven’t grown enough, mentally or financially, to give a gift.
Everything else is just performance and going through the motions. Mere puppetry.
Puppetry where someone pulls your strings for someone else’s sake. And you are nothing but the puppet.
A gift must flow from genuine respect and love.
Only when given with true respect does the value of the gift stop being an issue.
And only when given with that respect should a gift be given at all.
Otherwise, what you give as a gift is closer to charity or alms.
The person receiving your so-called gift never asked for charity or alms. So why reduce them to a beggar receiving your charity?
You’re right — not just when giving gifts, but in everything you give or do: only bite what fits in your beak.
The beak you need for a lifetime must not be broken or lost in a single bite.
Which is why you shouldn’t even think about pretending to give gifts when you can’t financially afford to. Your beak will break.
If you throw without knowing your own strength, your arm will be sprained forever — unable to throw again.
Meaning: only do what you can, within your capacity, and only if you can do it beautifully. Especially what is not obligatory. The optional things.
The most beautiful thing that can happen or be made to happen: that is a gift. That is the giving of a gift. That is the receiving of a gift.
Why do we ruin the most beautiful thing by doing it poorly, leaving both sides disillusioned? Why try to force-ripen it, making it so it can never truly ripen at all?
Why make yourself small by giving some inadequate gift?
Why make the recipient small and hurt them?
The person who receives a gift is not a waste bin where you throw what you don’t need. Especially not someone who only has to receive your gift because you chose to give it.
The gifts we give end up being like a double-edged sword. That must not happen.
Giving a gift costs the giver.
But the receiver often gets no benefit equal to that cost.
Give only if you can give the best you’re capable of. Otherwise, don’t give at all.
Don’t give something and make the recipient look bad, mock them through your giving.
A gift is not your charity. It must not become charity.
Those who receive your gift never asked for charity or alms. So they must not become beggars receiving your charity.
If you see the one who must receive your gift as nothing more than a beggar, don’t give the gift.
Even when giving alms and charity, giving the best you possibly can is the Quranic/Islamic view.
Charity is not about getting rid of your worst belongings.
“You will not attain righteousness until you spend from that which you love most.” (Quran)
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Hadith)
The charity you think you’re giving is not generosity.
In Islam, charity is the right of those who come asking — not your favor to bestow.
“And in their wealth is a right for the one who asks and the one who is deprived.” (Quran)
No one is telling you that you must give gifts or charity. No one is forcing you.
But if you do give — give the best you can. Otherwise don’t. That is better for you and for them.
A gift costs the giver greatly.
A gift often brings the receiver no benefit equal to that cost.
If you can’t give well, don’t give.
No one will blame you for not giving a gift.
Then why give something you can’t manage, something unwanted, and invite pain upon yourself — to be blamed by yourself and others?
Why give some poor gift and invite self-reproach?
Why become the person who struggled to give and gave something bad?
Why make the recipient look bad too?
Giving a gift is not to provide help — it is to show love, respect, and reverence.
If the gift doesn’t carry the weight and beauty of that respect, don’t give it.
A gift is not something you hurl at someone while your own heart is troubled.
A gift is not given the way help is given.
Help is given according to need.
A gift is given as an adornment.
A gift is something given with joy and delight.
Only if you can give with joy and delight should you give a gift at all.
A gift is only a gift if it also brings joy to the one receiving it.
What you give to show love, respect, and reverence must be the best you can offer.
If not the best, then at least something reasonably good.
Why give something and pointlessly expose yourself — like a cat being let out of a bag?
“You will not attain righteousness until you spend from that which you love most.” (Quran)
“None of you are truly believers: until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Hadith)
Even when it comes to giving help and charity, what the hadith says above is what matters.
Giving a gift is not a duty. So don’t give a gift like it’s a duty.
Giving a gift is not a performance. So don’t make a gift into a performance.
A gift should not be something that becomes a burden and a loss for both giver and receiver equally.
You don’t have to give a gift.
But don’t give it like a burden and damage your own heart. Don’t give something and damage the heart of the one receiving it either.
A quietly beautiful piece of writing.
.jpg)